I May Have Discovered Why....(Pt 2)

Read this post for context.

Okay, okay...I know that my dorkiness is not the reason I'm still single. But, seriously, you do have to admit my come back was pretty lame that day. Every time I thought about it, I giggled to myself at my own ridiculousness.

Well, in follow-up to my stupid comment, I've been trying to find a totally nonchalant way of bringing up to T the fact that I'm a dork but that I did still appreciate his compliment.

And, I thought I found that moment today...but what happened (though honestly not a big deal at all) proved to me, once again, the huge difference between men and women.

I knew that he'd say something to me today because I just got my hair cut last night. While it wasn't drastic by any measure, I knew he'd notice and say something. So, I figured I'd thank him for today's comment and then mention something about how ridiculous I was the other day.
I got into work today and, as I expected, he did notice my haircut and commented that he liked it. So, I smiled, thanked him and then said something similar to the following, "Hey, by the way, sorry for the lame comment about staples and smiles from last week when you said something nice to me. I'm not all that great with witty comebacks."

He didn't even remember it.

Of course he didn't.

He asked for clarification, smiled when I tried to explain/remind him and then still didn't really remember it.

Which is fine. But, it once again proves a few things to me:
1. guys just flirt to flirt and don't really even remember what they're saying most of the time.
2. girls obsess over ever word spoken...for no reason

But you should pray for me...because there's a lot more going on than a harmless flirtation, at least for me.

Ever since I met this guy (nearly two years ago), I've definitely been a bit attracted to him. But, I also observed and learned certain things about him to make me leave the attraction right there and go no further with it.

But, honestly, much more than the slight attraction, I've truly had a burden for him (and his son) to come to know Jesus. But, we had such a surface level of interaction, that I doubted I'd have a part to play any further than praying for them.

And that was all fine and good until last December at our office holiday party. While he wasn't at all improper, he was definitely more forward than he'd ever been. And, I'll admit, it was flattering and, of anybody in the office, he's the one I'd actually want to respond to. Jesus saved me that night because there was no way I could go out with him and some others after the party since I had a few thousand dollars worth of sound equipment in my car. I couldn't leave it there (to get stolen or to freeze in the cold). I honestly probably would have gone out with them otherwise.

And, intermittantly ever since, there's been a bit of an undercurrent between us. Nothing major. But just a little something here and there.

A few months ago, he was in a bind and needed a babysitter. He knew that I occassionally babysat for some other coworkers so he asked me. Unfortunately, I couldn't do it. But, given the nature of the situation (more complicated than really matters for these purposes), I felt compelled to help him find someone. And I did. And my good friend S is now his regular babysitter. I can't begin to tell you how excited that made me....to think that S has a regular chance to share Jesus with T and his son - even if S never says Jesus' name.

And, for the past month or so, our interactions - though still surfacey - are becoming more regular.

I find that I get excited when I know I'm going to see him, I get excited when I know he's coming over to talk to me - no matter what it's about and I get excited that somehow T is going to come to know Jesus.

However, it's this interesting thing, where, when I'm honest with myself, I realistically acknowledge that even if he were to come to know Jesus and were to actually pursue me, he's definitely not the person for me...but I still find my mind wandering and wondering. And, of course, as is true most of the time, he isn't really giving all this a second thought.