Undisciplined

For the past six or eight years, most of the major things that God's been working out in my life have been emotional - uncovering emotional wounds and judgments and getting healing from them. Learning (and choosing to learn) how to think differently, process differently, live differently.

While I'm not naive enough to think that there'll never be times in my life where I go through emotional pain, processing and healing again, it seems that - at least for now - that season is over. Now we're working on and I'm growing in much more practical, life skills sorts of ways. Those are the things I'm being challenged on, being taught and trying to learn and incorporate into my life.

In one sense, some of this stuff is a little embarrassing - shouldn't I have learned this before my late 20's? But on the other hand I'm acutely aware that I'd not have learned it well or embraced it in the right fashion/for the right motivations had I not had the season of tearing up and rebuilding.

Anyway, the big lesson right now is that I'm a terribly undisciplined person. Pick an area of my life and there really aren't any long term disciplines that I follow or embrace.

Let's see...I'm not disciplined with my:

• Time
• Money
• Relationships
• Relationship with Jesus
• Body (working out or eating well consistently)
• House
• Work
• Church commitments and service
• VLI

That's been surprising to most people I've mentioned it to. Most people look at how well my life has turned out, how administrative I am, how well I follow process, etc and think that I'm a really disciplined person.

But, it's not true. I rely on my ability to multitask and my ability to do things well and quickly. I don't build margins in any part of my life - even to the point where I aim to always be ON TIME for things but never a minute early (which is to my detriment if I hit traffic or a snare of some sort). When I have a little unexpected extra money, I spend it. If I have a few hours here or there, I fill them with something (except late at night, at which point, I end up vegging out in front of the TV rather than going to bed at a decent hour). I work out and eat well for seasons...but make "exceptions" all the time. My house isn't dirty...but, especially since I don't have a roommate right now, it's messy all the time. I'm inconsistent with nearly all the relationships in my life...most especially Jesus (which I mentioned in my previous post).

I'm really making an effort to be more disciplined now. I realize that if I attempt to tackle all of these things at once, I'm going to fail miserably. But, I also realize that if I don't attempt to start tackling this problem at all - one step at a time - I'm going to be worse off down the line than I am now....and, quite frankly, everything feels so out of control and with no foundation right now that I need to attempt to address the things I can control - to the best of my abilities - right now before it gets worse and before I have a family of my own to manage too. So, the first thing I'm going to address is my relationship with Jesus and the time I spend with Him. That has to come first as everything else in my life stems from that.

I found a podcast that Andy Stanley's doing at his church, North Point Community Church right now called "Taking it to the Limits" and it's been amazing. Basically points out, using lots of real life and Biblical examples, that though we were all created with or given certain capacities for things (talents, time, energy, resources, money, etc) that doesn't mean we were meant to live to that capacity...but to build margins in our lives.

He goes on to say a lot more (and I've only listened to one of the six teachings so far). But everything I've heard to this point has made an impression upon me - explaining motivations behind why we take things to the limits and the main things that are effected by our living that way. It's been so good for me.

So, please pray with me that I'll become a more disciplined person, that the principles that I'm picking up from this podcast and from friends whom I respect would actually be put into practice and change my life...rather than just being added to the pile of good information and ideas I just have laying in the recesses of my brain doing nothing.