A Growing Love.... (Part 1)

Note: It's taken me two weeks to try to get this post finished.....agh!

In a "Thankful Thursday" post a few weeks ago, I wrote the following:

-"A new and growing love and burden for some of my co-workers - I've always wanted to share Jesus with them...but something's definitely changed in me...where it's all I think about....but not in a weird, judgmental way...more in a desperate love for them....I can't explain this very well. "


And, I haven't come back to it or explained much beyond that.


But, honestly, it's what defines me in this current season of my life. And, I think because it's so near and dear to my heart - and just so very new for me - I just don't know what to say or how to say it....

But, it's ever-present.

There are 65 people in my office - and, given the nature of my role, I'm the only one in the office who gets to interact with all 65. AND, since I am so social and typically enjoy being with people and knowing what's going on in their lives, I make it a key goal of my job/day to really engage on a personal level as best as I can with as many of them as I can on a given day.

Plus, there's a handful of folks that I'm really, really getting to spend a lot of time with - in and out of the office. I'm getting to be a part of their lives and getting to have them be a part of mine. And, it's really like nothing I've ever experienced before. There's this love that's grown/growing in my heart for each of them....a devastatingly painful (at times) love for them as people and huge burden for them to know how much Jesus loves them.

I think it started about six months ago - I was praying one morning and asked the Lord what He would want to say to me. (I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't do that nearly enough...most of the time, I'm just pouring out my heart and whining about something. But that morning was different.) As I got quiet and listened, He spoke words from the song "Hosanna" by Hillsongs United (on a side note, it's an AMAZING song....you should download it from iTunes), "Break my heart for what breaks Yours." And, it's true...from that point on, my heart has been opened and broken for the things that are on His heart...I'm not nearly as self-focused as I used to be.

Then, about a month ago, my pastor was praying for me and my heart to reach out to my co-workers with the love of Jesus. And, as he was praying he said two things that were so encouraging and confirming - two things he felt he heard from God for me: 1) that evangelism for me doesn't need to look like it does for everyone else...that I can just be me and watch what the Lord does and 2) he kept hearing the word "blessing" and felt like that was the way I was going to win people over to Jesus - by blessing and serving them...and by calling out things of the Kingdom in them before they even know Jesus or what the Kingdom is. Wow....SO UPLIFTING and ENCOURAGING....to confirm that this whole path I'm on right now really is "of the Lord" is more encouraging than I can begin to explain.

Two weekends ago, I sat through my weekend VLI intensive course. This time, the topic was "Church Growth" and was taught by the pastor of the Columbus Vineyard, Rich Nathan. The entire thing class was just phenomenol. He talked a lot about the different ways that people come to follow Jesus or come to a specific church and the different things a church needs to do/be aware of to build a healthy church. It was spectacular.

But there was one moment where he started sharing about the results of a survey/study done at his church (a church of 5,000+ members) of how/why people came to their church specifically. And, the reasons given were: broken relationships, crisis, financial failure, emotional distress....essentially, all these things where the people were really jacked up and only then came to the church.

As he was sharing all these things, I actually started to get agitated and depressed...and at one point, just started crying. I kept thinking of my co-workers and how, even though they definitely do have broken areas in their lives, they're no where near the point of acknowledging the brokenness or the idea that Jesus could be the answer to it.

And, that's when the kindness of the Lord revealed itself to me once again. Though there weren't any notes for this in the syllabus, Rich Nathan made this whole aside about how we can't dismiss the educated, successful, etc because of the legitimately broken and needy people in our churches. He talked about how there's really a place in the Kingdom for those who have post-graduate degrees, are successful, have good relationships, etc.... and I just burst into tears. He said something to the effect of "it's a different kind of ache that those people have....and it's especially painful when, after working their whole lives and climbing the ladder of success they realize that they've leaned that ladder against the wrong wall. So, pray for them...that they may be able to correctly identify the ache and what will truly fulfill it...rather than continuing to try to fill it with success, money, sex, alcohol and experience."

I felt like his words were a lifeline...words of hope to encourage me that the people I'm reaching out to aren't beyond the scope of choosing to follow Jesus and realizing their need for Him. Plus, it gave me a clearer idea of how to pray for them.... I shared this with my class during our break, and they were all so wonderful...we took time right then and there to pray for a number of my coworkers by name. It was glorious.

Stay tuned for part 2.....