Acceleration, Part 1

I know my posts have been pretty surfacey lately. There a few reasons why:

1. I cancelled the internet at my house so I only have online access at work
2. Work's been pleasantly busy (after months of it's being slow - the current economic situation in our country has impacted our industry quite a bit) and so I haven't had much time to do "non-work" things at work.
3. "Surfacey" content takes far less time to write/post than the deep or meaningful stuff does

But, there have been things happening that are worth sharing...that I'd like to share. So, I'm going to attempt to do so. (It may take me all day to post as I try to write this at down moments at work today.)

It's sort of a conglomeration of a lot of things that until this week didn't really seem like they were at all linked together...so I'm not really sure where to start. But, let's see....

Excluding this actual calendar year, I feel like every year since I graduated high school (yes, that would be 11 years ago.....) has been an intense one....dealing with my parents' divorce, finally coming to terms with the effect of my mother's illness on my life, working out identity issues, the list could go on and on. But, thus far in 2008, it's been pleasantly far less intense...actually enjoyable and fun. That's not to say there haven't been tough things but they're just not so life-shatteringly intense - which I think speaks more to God's healing and my growth than it does to suddenly having an easier life.

ANYWAY, though things have been a little more spacious and free, I still have faced some of the same issues I always have (and probably always will). I doubt my value, question my calling, overcommit, lose vision and get burnt out because I overcommit. I forget that I'm loved by the Lord and that I don't have to perform or be perfect to earn that love.

Most specifically, this last month or so, I've been all over the map. On the one hand, I've experienced some profound freedom regarding my physical identity and have been overwhelmed (in a good way) with my growth and ability to pastor people. I've been able to see the value of VLI (how, even if I can't instantaneously recall why the Apostle Paul wrote Galatians, I have learned and picked up the values and tools I need to be a better pastor and ministry leader). But then at the same time, I've been apathetic, disinterested, visionless, passionless, exhausted and impatient - at times to the point that I feared I was having a relapse of my crisis last summer (wanting to quit all ministry stuff at church, to drastically change my position at work, to date someone that doesn't know Jesus, etc etc etc) - some of those same thoughts and desires were appearing again.

Yet, in the Lord's tender, patient kindness to me, this week, He's done what He continually has to do for me - remind me that I'm deeply loved by Him, that my identity, value and worth are in Him alone and that He is pleased with me.