I just don't understand....

This is a picture from my birthday party earlier this year. I'm surrounded by four dear friends with whom I work.

Something awful happened this past weekend to one of them. Chrisy, who's pictured here in the blue shirt, passed away on Sunday.

She was a healthy, amazingly kind and sweet, 31-year old landscape architect. About six weeks ago, she started feeling really tired and run down. Her doctors couldn't find anything wrong - at first thinking she had mono or Rocky Mt Tick disease.

When she still wasn't feeling better (after a few weeks), her best friend (also a co-worker and pictured above in the gray shirt) talked her into driving to the hospital. Chrisy went...and they immediately checked her in.

Turns out, her liver was failing...but the doctors couldn't figure out why. They thought it was maybe hepititus. Nope. No idea what it was....but quickly, her prognosis got worse. By mid-week last week, she was put on the liver donor list....at the TOP of the liver donor list. Time was not her friend. She became unconscious by Thursday.

Late Friday night, they got the call. A liver had become available!! They did the transplant immediately. I got a phonecall late Saturday afternoon that the transplant had been a success....that this sort of surgery has a 95% success rate.

But, when I walked into work yesterday, I could tell something was up. And, we had an all-staff meeting at 8:30 where they shared the news: though the transplant itself had been a success, her body had already deteriorated too far. The doctors did everything they could but fluid had built on her brain. She passed away quickly after that.

I was pretty numb all day yesterday as people around me were crying. But, I woke up this morning with this pressure on my chest...and basically haven't stopped crying. It's just so awful. I'm so sad for her, her family, her boyfriend, her friends, our co-workers, me....and HER.

She didn't know Jesus. As amazing as she was, I know she didn't know Jesus. And, as I've been praying so faithfully for them all and trying to share Jesus with all my co-workers, I'm just broken about this. I know that Jesus is in control....that it's not my fault she died without knowing Him. But, I'm still devastated for her. And, I don't know how to respond to all those around me without sounding pithy.

Please pray that I'd be able to grieve this myself, share in others' mourning and be Jesus to them all - whatever that looks like and in a way that will actually make a difference...may something good and Kingdom-oriented come out of this awful situation......