A New Person

That's how I feel...like I'm a completely new person.

Even though they were nearly three months ago, my most-recent posts adequately give the backdrop for what this latest season of my life has been about - receiving deeper healing and freedom in knowing that I'm lovable and enjoyed.

After the near purse theft a few months ago, the next step into freedom was a life-changing statement by my pastor -

J: "I know that you're a emotional person...so whenever I have to confront you on something, I pray like crazy that the Lord will give me the right words to say so you hear my heart and that you can receive it how I intend it."

N: (internally) "awesome....why am I so emotional? I have to learn how to not be so damn emotional."

J: "You're probably thinking something like how you don't like that you're emotional and that I'm aware of it or something....you probably hate that I just said that. But, really, Natalie, I don't care how you feel about what I said. It's who you are and that's okay."

NAILED.

It took me about four hours to think through and hear what he actually said (which is a monumental thing in and of itself...because in the past, I never would have gotten past what I thought I heard rather than what he really said)...he didn't say "You're too emotional and need to have a tougher skin."

Instead, he said, "This is who you are. I accept you as you are. I adapt how I interact with you to meet you as you are."

There was no indictment on my behavior or personality. Instead, it was a cherishing, a protecting, a tender care for me.

A simple statement...yet it completely revolutionized things for me. Instead of feeling isolated and/or that I needed to change who I was to be acceptable, I realized that he (and the other members of our leadership team at church) really are for me and that who I am - as I am - is okay. That conversation made me feel safe, known, loved, cherished...celebrated even....

...a further crack into the protective walls I've put up around my heart....

And...there's more to come....