Men and Women in the Church, part 2

Continuing on from my previous post, did you feel something as you were reading just that small sampling? That strange feeling rising up...one that says "ooh, yes! You're right!" and at the same time "um...I'm not so sure about that one." I'm telling you...that's what happens throughout the entire book.

I can feel the Lord shifting and confirming so much in me. It's funny....because I would say that I've never really felt comfortable claiming to be on either side of this debate - I've always sort of subconsciously felt that truth was probably somewhere in the middle...but I've never really had the words (nor taken the time to research) to explain it.

But, while it's wildly confirming and freeing, it's also stirring up so much in me. I've realized how I've not fully been living as the woman I was created to be. It's weird...because I've never sought leadership yet it seems to find me. And, especially in the church world, I've stepped in (and enjoyed it) and the people and ministries I oversee seem to thrive. YET, I think subconsciously there's been this voice in the back of my head saying that the men in my life probably think that I'm "too strong, too gifted, too opinionated, too 'called'" and that I intimidate them.

It's weird too...because when I really think about it, I think I undercut myself in the "church" world...yet have no problem at all being fully and completely myself outside of church. My co-workers see me in all my glory - strong, intelligent, goofy, weak, ridiculous, silly, opinionated, etc - and they still like me. They embrace me for all that I am and push me to go further than I already do.

But, in church - even if I'm one of the key leaders in my church - I seem to undercut or downplay my role, my ability and most of who I am - with most people (though not my co-council members or those I directly lead). I am quieter, no where near as goofy, strong or opinionated.

I definitely do it with single guys at church though....I found myself doing it just the other day at lunch. I was eating lunch with some co-leaders and a newer friend happened to join us. My behavior was markedly different from before he sat down and after. SO ANNOYING! But, it was a good moment for me as well. Helped me realize that's what I do. So, I'm striving to a) act like myself in all my great and goofy glory no matter where I am or whom I'm with and b) figure out why I am different in church circles as compared to everywhere else.

Hmmm....so much to think about....