Here are the highlights from my time away:
- God couldn't have made it more obvious that I'm supposed to press into this whole freelance writing/editing thing. I had been most concerned about trying to fit something new into my already jam-packed schedule. So, although I'm not crazy about the pay cut at Design Workshop, I'm really seeing this as a gift from the Lord. Now I will have some dedicated time each week to build and focus on my freelance business. More on this in a bit....
- Even with the extra time in my schedule now to focus on the freelance biz, I still felt the need to simplify and align my life a little better...ie, rather than having my hands in many different things, I'm going to aim at a few things and do them well. And, so, the main thing I'm laying down is worship.
Worship has always been a part of my life and it always will be in some way or another - I'm convinced of that. However, I also know that there are different seasons in life where we're called to focus on one thing over another. And, right now, I'm absolutely convinced that worship needs to go on the back burner. I think I'm only going to play on the band once a month, if/as they need me - but will definitely NOT be leading worship at all anymore. I do love worshiping, do love singing, and think that at some point I'll be back in the "worship world." Simply playing on the band really takes next to no emotional energy/bandwith for me and actually gives me life - so I think just playing/singing once a month will be perfect.
You may remember that I only started pressing into leading worship again about six months ago - so you may be wondering what that was all about. I had the same questions - even as I knew then that I was supposed to press into everything and know that I'm not right now. :) And, I really feel like the Lord used that season of pressing into leading in two big ways: 1) to redeem my past experience in leading worship years ago and 2) to be a catalyst for some deep healing/freedom I've experienced in the past few months.
The bottom line with this is that I felt like I HAD THE CHOICE to lay down worship or keep up with it. And, I'm choosing to lay it down for now because the things of compassion and all this freelance stuff have captured my heart and mind in a way that worship hasn't right now. - Speaking of these "things of compassion" (ie - how my heart is so soft for and hungry to help those who are broken, hurting and down-and-out), I really felt like I'm supposed to remain doing all that I'm doing - to press into the counseling ministry I'm building at church, to pour into my small group's refugee family and to spend time with my "little sister" (from BigBrothersBigSisters). I felt really clearly I don't have to have a plan or next step right now - that as I keep pressing into the Lord and into these things in front of me, when the right "next thing" comes up, I'll just know and be in a place where I can easily step into it.
- Back to the freelance stuff for a moment - while I've been thankful that the pay cut at DW came just as I have a new roommate and have this freelance stuff in front of me, I found myself also a bit disappointed this weekend. Disappointed because I had planned that the new roommate and the freelance stuff were going to be ways to get out of debt...not merely to sustain where I've been at....and I was feeling like now I was just back at square one. Tammy was praying for me yesterday at church and, without my really telling her too much of what I just wrote to you, she reminded me that God's up to something a lot bigger than merely getting me out of debt...that getting me out of debt is "nothing" (ie - no major effort on His part) and prayed that my vision would be expanded again. (which was a GREAT reminder and yet ironic considering my whole retreat this weekend was for the express purpose of tapping into that greater vision...just proof that you can lose sight of what you're doing even as you're doing it!) Her reminder definitely reinstilled hope in me!
Moving forward, I'm going to take two afternoons off a week to really focus on this freelance stuff. - Please pray that God will direct me in all the small details and grant me favor as I seek to (finally) use my degree and market myself and get some clients! (specifically, I'm going to focus on editing people's documents and writing resumes).
- And, I think the biggest thing that I emerged from this weekend with was a renewed gratitude for the Lord and His great love for me. I can so see the beauty and purpose of His timing for things - amazed with the ways He's worked in my life, given me the experiences He has, brought the healing He has and orchestrated/continues to orchestrate everything so perfectly. I can't believe that I get to do the things I get to do...that I get to play a part in the things that I get to play a part in.
Thanks again for all your prayers!
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