This is HARD!

No I'm not talking about anything in regard to being "out there".... :) 

I'm talking about pastoring and counseling. Sometimes you get the privilege of discipling people who just "get it" and really are hungry for more of Jesus in their lives. And other times (like presently, for me), you're pouring into people who say they want change and want more for their lives but, when push comes to shove, they ultimately don't and/or aren't willing to do what it takes to make that change a reality.

I don't pretend for one second that I've got my entire life together and am right about everything. I don't pretend to be the foremost authority on every situation that people encounter. But, God's definitely bred in me some wisdom and insight through everything I've walked through in my life. And, I count it as one of the greatest blessings of my life that I get to help walk others through the tough situations in their lives and attempt to point them to Jesus and His truth in the midst of it. It honestly makes all the difficulties I've encountered and worked through worth it. There's no feeling that compares to realizing that somehow God used me (in all my broken messiness) to help someone else.

Over the years, I've been blessed to mentor, pastor, disciple and/or counsel so many amazing women. And, it's so beautiful to watch them lean into all that God's putting before them and asking of them - even when it's gut-wrenchingly difficult - and finally embrace the goodness and great love God has for them. It's stunning to watch lives transform right before my eyes, as they receive healing and freedom and love in the deepest of places...and to see the perspective and priority change that comes from that healing, freedom and love. I LOVE those moments. I LOVE those women.

And, I have some super amazing women I'm pastoring right now. But, I'd be lying if I said it was easy. This is the first time in my life where every single one of the women I'm mentoring/discipling is aware but not willing. They want change. They're aware of their brokenness. They're aware there's more. But, at the end of the day, they're stubborn or lazy or doubtful or unwilling or skeptical or unwilling. It's as if they really want things to change but don't think they need to do anything to change their circumstances. That it's everyone and everything else that needs to change and that everything they're feeling and doing is completely justified. There's an element of truth in what they're saying....but more distorted truth than actual truth. And, it's just so frustrating.

It's not that I need to be right. It's just that I believe there's just so much more for them. I see their pain and hear their heart's desire for more, for change. And, it's just so unbelievably sad and disappointing to see them struggle when they're being offered a way out. I've had three of the most irritating and disappointing pastoral meetings these past two weeks...and it's irritating because I just want so much more for them than they want for themselves.

At the end of the day, I don't feel responsible for them. I don't think I need to be the one to change them. They're going to do what they're going to do. I can't control them. Nor do I want to. I just wish they were truly hungry, truly desperate for the abundant life that could be before them. Truly willing to say no to the temporary, temporal, shallow things and say yes to the hard - but ultimately better things.

It's just painful to watch them all choose to learn the hard way....

....and also reminds me of how the Father must feel pretty often toward me - loving me where I'm at, seeing the pain/brokenness I carry, offering a way out and having to watch me choose the hard way before finally surrendering and saying yes to Him. He's just so much more gracious and patient than I am most of the time...oh that I could be more and more like Him....