Tid Bits

Okay...this is going to be a bit of a hodge podge of items:

1. I just got back from a church/small group retreat. It was fantastic. It was the first time that I went to a retreat prepared and expecting to be used by God in other people's lives. That's a bit embarrassing to admit but it's true. Typically, I go to retreats expectant for God to interact in my life - I go in pretty needy, looking for Him to meet me. Or, I've gone knowing that I'd be ministering to others but a bit irritated by that because I was so needy for something from God myself. I do think it's good to desire and expect God to do things in our lives when we need Him to....but, it just has to be realistic and balanced....I'm just typically selfish. But, this time, I really wasn't. I was truly excited to be able to go up to Winter Park with all those folks and minister to them - be it a good conversation or the chance to pray with/for them. To have the Holy Spirit speak through me to them. And, it happened. There were so many instances! And, I'm overjoyed and overwhelmed that Jesus allows me to be a part of the things He's doing in others' lives. I think it may just be one of my favorite things in the world!

2. I donated blood earlier this week. And, while that probably "icks" some people out...I actually really enjoy it. I think I see it as part of my civic duty to humanity or something - especially because I'm a universal donor...my blood type is good for anyone needing blood. But, that's not why I'm telling you this - I'm talking about it because this is the first time that I've ever gotten sick from donating blood. I did great the day I donated....but by the next day (though I had been drinking oodles of water and juice the day I donated) I was severely dehydrated. I went to work for an hour Friday before going home and laying on the couch for the better part of the rest of the day. I was so dehydrated that I had to take the rehydrating slowly....a mouthful of juice every 20 minutes for about four hours. Lots of fun...let me tell you.

3. Finally, and most importantly, this past Wednesday, I got to spend the entire evening with my beloved friend Karlena. She moved to Hawaii a little less than a year ago...and while we've kept in regular contact since she's moved, face-to-face time is always a million times better than a phone call or an email. She and her husband were in town for Brice and Nikki's wedding (see pictures below) and I got to spend much more time with her than I was expecting. All the moments I saw her were great...but Wednesday was dedicated to just us...no wedding responsibilities or commitments, no other people, no other functions...just us. It was so great to really reconnect, spend a long amount of time together, share our hearts and just laugh together. And, it's so awesome to see how she's really where she's supposed to be...to hear all that God's doing and bringing together in her life right now is super exciting and encouraging. And, while I miss interacting on an every-day basis, I know she's where she's supposed to be. It was beyond wonderful to see you, Karlena!!!!!!

Expensive Laundry

I think this is just how my life goes.... it's a good thing I'm laughing, rather than being angry.

I share a washing machine and dryer with the neighbors in my complex. It's a free washer and dryer in the common space at the end of the rowhouses. Well, it was free until recently.

About a month ago, the dryer broke. And rather than fixing it or replacing it with another free dryer, it was replaced with a coin-operated dryer. Under typical circumstances, that'd be irritating...but really not that big a deal.

But, I desperately needed to do laundry tonight. And, I forgot to get quarters all day. Forgot until I was about to put my clothes in the washing machine. So, I put the clothes in the machine and then went out to get some quarters so I'd be able to dry said clothes.

Well, first, I go to the ATM machine to get some cash. Get the cash. Then, need to get the quarters. So, I start at a laundromat....surely they have a change machine, right? Nope...apparently, they've changed to some card reader thing. Next stop - the grocery store. I need some milk anyway. But, wouldn't you know it, somehow the cash register only has two quarters....I need at least six. Next stop - 7-11. (Yes, I realize a gas station would have quarters...but that's where I went the last time I needed quarters and there were two creepy guys who tried to talk to me. So, 7-11 it is. Don't want to go near that gas station at night ever again.) And, yes! 7-11 has all the quarters I could ever need. Now, I can go home.

So, I'm chatting away on the phone with my stepmother. I stop at the stoplight and then turn right. And, that's when I see him. The police car hiding. And, as I drive past him, he turns on his car and pulls out behind me. Then, the lights go on. Was I speeding? Nope. What in the world could it be?

Well, apparently, there was a "no turn on red" sign at the intersection that I completely missed because I was just so ready to get home, was chatting on the phone and was completely NOT paying attention to anything. Great.

The police officer was very nice...and actually kept apologizing that he had to give me a ticket. But, he had to. And he did. He knocked some of the points off...and somehow discounted it or something...whatever. The ticket was originally for $100....but, it was knocked down to only $86.

So my laundry tonight cost me $89 (the ticket plus the $3 in quarters that I got). Nice.

Those better be some darn clean clothes.

I'm Loved

That probably sounds a tad bit silly to make as a title....or potentially even as a post. But, it's a really important conclusion I'm coming to.

For a lot of my life, I really only thought people cared about me for what I could do for them and/or how good a person/friend/student/Christian/employee/daughter/girlfriend/etc I was. I thought I'd worked through it...until as recently as this summer. And, during my breakdown, I realized that part of the reason that I am so busy, doing so many things all of the time, is because I want to feel valued, important and/or loved by the people around me.

Well, Jesus is bringing me lots of freedom in this are...especially over the past few weeks. But, last week, I struggled through a tough relational issue, all those feelings of being inadequate, unloved and unaccepted came flooding back to the forefront.

But, Jesus is really, really kind. Last week when I was struggling so badly and hurting so much, I asked Him to show me that I really am loved by Him and by others. And He did. First, it was encouragement by one of my favorite people on the planet, Ini. Then, phone conversations with my stepmom and sister. Then, a phone call to Uganda to talk with Jennie. And, then getting to see Amanda and Karlena - friends that mean so much to me and whom I don't get to see very often anymore but happened to be at the wedding I sang at this weekend (for some friends from church, Brice and Nikki).

Then, yesterday, I had lunch with Karlena and her husband (and my adopted big brother) Jason and then spent the afternoon with one of my favorite guys on the planet Ryan, his amazing wife Sherry and their adorable daughter Kristen.

All these people sought me out, have no expectations of me and yet really love and value me. It was exactly what I needed. And, I'm so thankful that all these amazing people are a regular part of my life. Jesus is really very kind to me.

Here are some pictures from the wedding:

Brice and Nikki cutting their cake

Karlena and me

Me and Amanda

Ron, Leslye and me

Seth, Me and Nathan

Cheryl, Nicole and me.

This is me

I love understanding who people really are, hearing their stories, watching them, figuring out what makes them tick. If I were ever to go to graduate school, it'd be to study human behavior or counseling. It all fascinates me so much.

So, it should come as no surprise that I also love personality tests/assessments. Love them for others. Love them for myself. It's amazing (and, quite frankly, a bit unsettling at times) how exactly on target they are. Below is the result for me from the D.I.S.C. (which happens to be my favorite personality assesment).

Emphasis: achieving stability, accomplishing tasks by cooperating with others
Tendencies: calm, patient, loyal, good listeners
Motivated by: infrequent change, stability, sincere appreciation, cooperation
Fear: loss of stability, the unknown, change, unpredictability
You will notice: patience, a team orientation, stability, a systemic approach, and calmness
Limitations: overly willing to give, putting their needs last

Re-reading this description recently brought me such relief and encouragment. Such validation...to realize that the things I've been up against and struggling with recently are not just illegitimate issues and hurts...or things that I just need to get over...but are realistic, legitimate and justified based on who I am and how I'm made. (And, while results of assessments like this one aren't necessarily permission or an excuse to lean on the weaknesses highlighted, they do, at least, shed some light on them.)

It's all so good.

Being Misunderstood

Right now, in lieu of meeting at someone's house for our small group each week, we're meeting at the church with about eight other small groups...all going through a program our pastor developed, called "Discovering Community." It's a really fantastic time where we eat dinner together, listen to our pastor share about a specific topic (things like "Is Jesus really God?" "How do I read the Bible?" "What is worship?" etc) and then have discussion around our tables based on the talk given by the pastor.

Last night, our pastor talked about reading the Bible (how and why). It's all things I've heard before...but were so valuable to hear again. Then, our pastor gave us some practical application time, where we all read and responded to a specific passage. Last night's passage was Genesis 3.

So, using the accrostic, "S.O.A.P.," we each took time to read Genesis 3. (S - Scripture, O - Observation, A - Application, P - Prayer). The verses that stood out to me were verses 4-5 ("You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." You can read the entire chapter here) ... and I observed how easy it was for the enemy to attack the character of God and His good intentions for Adam and Eve...and how easily and quickly they believed and agreed with what the enemy told them.

And, I realized just how easy it is for me to get tangled in the same thing - to be like Eve and easily doubt God's goodness and good intentions for me. It happens more often than I'd like to admit.

Then, today, I had an interaction with someone where I was misunderstood. Where my motives and intentions were doubted and questioned. This person misunderstood me in a fairly major area. And, it's devastating. It hurts so much. This is someone that I thought knew me really well...and to realize that he/she doesn't...and apparently doesn't care to...wow, there aren't words for the disappointment and pain. And, as I was processing with Jesus earlier today, I realized that it's exactly how I've made Him feel each time I misunderstand or doubt Him, His character and His motives. That I say I know Him really well...but then I doubt and misunderstand. And, that realization was devastating too.

My prayer is that I never make Him (or anyone else for that matter) feel like I did/do today.

A Testament of Devotion

One of the books we have to read for VLI this quarter is A Testament of Devotion by Thomas R. Kelly. Here's what the back cover says "Plainspoken and deeply inspirational, it gathers together five compelling essays that urge us to center our lives on God's presence, to find quiet and stillness within modern life and to discover the deeply satisfying and lasting peace of the inner spiritual journey."

Each of the essays really is compelling and impactful...but the fifth one is really the one that impacted me the greatest. Below are some quotes and if you feel as busy and overwhelmed as I often do, I'm sure you'll appreciate and be convicted by these:

"We Western peoples are apt to think our great problems are external, environmental. We are not skilled in the inner life, where the real roots of our problem life. For I would suggest that the true explanation of the complexity of our program is an inner one, not an outer one. The outer distractions of our interests reflect an inner lack of integration of our own lives. We are trying to be several selves at once, without all our selves being organized by a single, mastering Life within us." (Page 91)

"We are distraught. We feel honestly the pull of many obligations and try to fulfill them all. And we are unhappy, uneasy, strained, oppressed, and fearful we shall be shallow. For over the margins of life comes a whisper, a faint call, a premonition of richer living which we know we are passing by. Strained by the very mad pace of our daily outer burdens, we are further strained by an inward uneasiness, because we have hints that there is a way of life vastly richer and deeper than all this hurried existance, a life of unhurried serenity and peace and power. If only we could slip over into that Center! If only we could find the Silence which is the source of sound! We have seen and known some other people who seem to have found this deep Center of living, where the fretful calls of life are integrated, where No as well as Yes can be said with confidence." (Page 92)

"We have not counted this Holy Thing within us to be the most precious thing in the world. We have not surrendered all else, to attend to it alone." (Page 93)

"But if we center down, as the old phrase goes, and live in that holy Silence which is dearer than life, and take our life program into the silent places of the heart, with complete openness, ready to do, ready to renounce according to His leading, then many of the things we are doing lost their vitality for us." (Page 95)

"Our real problem, in failing to center down, is not a lack of time; it is, I fear, in too many of us, lack of joyful enthusiastic delight in Him, lack of deep, deep-drawing love directed toward Him at every hour of the day and night....Religion isn't something to be added to our other duties, and thus make our lives yet more complex. The life with God is the center of life, and all else is remodelled and integrated by it. It gives the singleness of eye. The most imporant thing is not to be perpetually passing out cups of cold water to a thirsty world. We can get so fretfully busy trying to carry out the second great commandment, "Thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself," that we are under-developed in our devoted love to God. But we must love God as well as neighbor. These things ye ought to have done and not to have left the other only partially done." (Page 98)

"Life from the Center is a life of unhurried peace and power. It is simple. It is serene. It is amazing. It is triumphant. It is radiant. It takes no time, but it occupies all our time. And it makes our life programs new and overcoming. We need not get frantic. He is at the helm. And when our little day is done we lie down quietly in peace, for all is well." (page 100)

Wow.....so good....so much of what I've realized and walked through these past few months. Yet...it's super easy to read this and say it's true but not really DO what Kelly is talking about. I'd love to be able to say that I live out of that centered-ness. That's what I'm attaining to.

Fun Weekend!

This was a busy but FUN weekend!

First, there's the Rockies game with some of my co-workers. We had great seats out in the outfield and then got to sit on the field for fireworks. Sadly, the Rockies lost...but they're on a roll right now and, if they win tonight, will make it to the playoffs for the first time in 12 or 13 years! It's exciting here in Denver right now! The city's electric with excitement.

My wonderful friend, I, went with me to the game!

Then, I took a quick drive to Vail with my friend J to see some of the beautiful Aspens in the fall. (The leaves change SUPER quickly in Colorado...so you've only got about two-three weeks to witness the splendor before it's all gone.)

(Soooooo pretty - though I do miss the vibrant colors from Autumn on the East Coast. That's one of the Vail ski slopes, sans snow)

(Me and J - we used to work together. So glad we've remained close friends!)

And, finally, Saturday night, I had front and center seats for an Over the Rhine concert (with Griffin House opening). It was AMAZING. So beautiful....

Here I am with my friend B - somehow I didn't get a pic of the others in our group. Sorry M and J!

This was the best I could do with pictures...I was so close that I didn't want to blind Over the Rhine with my camera's flash....but I couldn't keep the camera still enough to get a clean shot without my flash.