I think the other reason that this new site is helpful, though, is to be able to process and share stuff that's going on at church - good and bad - without just anyone at the church knowing about it.
Speaking of everything with church, here's a prayer request/update:
"I'm not falling apart at the seams or anything but I've definitely been struggling since this whole council thing came into place. I'm absolutely loving all of it and know that this is where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing.
BUT, balancing the council coordination with trying to be a council member and help oversee the ministry areas that I am has been pretty hard. I feel like I'm so busy trying to keep up with the council coordination piece that I'm not actually overseeing worship, AV or women's mininstry well or pastoring those ministry coordinators well at all. And, doing all that in conjunction with life, VLI and work it's all just so much....
And, I think the hardest piece is how alone I feel. It's no surprise that this was something I've already been working through - learning how to not be so closed off, how to actually express my feelings and needs, etc - but I feel like now that I'm at least trying to think and work in that direction (and finally understanding why I've been so closed and afraid of opening up for so long), there are fewer opportunities and fewer people with whom I can be open - or better stated, fewer people who ask how I'm doing or ask to hang out with me just for me. It's almost as if as soon as I took that title of being a council member, it made me suddenly unapproachable as a person or friend and only approachable as a leader.... I don't think I'm explaining this right but I guess I feel like I'm not considered a peer by nearly anyone anymore because I took a place of higher leadership. It's funny because some people will joke about how I'm "their council member" and tease about it...but it's true that those same people are keeping themselves a step removed from me.
I know that this is a part of leadership. In fact, I remember so many times when Jay's talked about this type of stuff in the past and he and I actually discussed it last week when we met. So, I know it's part of the deal. But, it's still hard. And, there are obviously times when it's harder than others or when it feels more pronounced than others. So...if you'd be so kind, I'd love any prayers in my direction!"
1 comment:
I have felt some of that same "aloneness" as I have stepped into the role of counseling intern at TNL. it's all really great and I love it, but I will often see clients at church and have a hard time finding space to actually let down my guard and just be so that I can worship. Leadership in the context of community is a strange and very gray area to be in.
Post a Comment