The older I get, the more I realize my own limitations. Whereas I used to go non-stop for weeks, if not months, at a time, and barely got any sleep, I just can't do it anymore. I need down time. I need to breathe. I need sleep.
Yet, this last week, I've gotten very little of any of the above...and it's made for one scattered, tired, grumpy, irritable person.
I've been so grumpy at work - and a main focus of my job is to be nice, hospitable and patient with people. But, I've wanted none of it. I've had no patience with anyone and their myriad of seemingly ridiculous requests.
I've been short-fused at church. I've been scattered in conversations with friends. I've been running on empty.
Why? Well....I've gotten fewer than six hours of sleep per night all week...for various reasons both legitimate and not. I've been helping prepare our worship and sound teams for our big transition to a new meeting space on Sunday mornings (more on that in a bit). I've been studying for and taking a VLI exam. And, I've been working hours of overtime to take care of some things I just can't during the day when I have to "man" the front desk, answer phones and accommodate so many various requests throughout the day. Plus, I've spent no real quality time with Jesus...and reached my breaking point yesterday (being aware of a ton of lies being hurled at me from the enemy - nice how he goes for me when I'm already down - but being unable to fight against them).
I am learning my boundaries though and am actually learning how to speak them. Although I was still ridiculously short-fused at work today while having tons of stuff to do and tons of people continuously asking me if I'd gotten their stuff done (without giving me time to do it...), I actually started simply putting up boundaries - saying no to things, explaining that I was doing the best I could, and somehow at least attempting to be gracious (though I'm doubtful that I did so very well).
Plus, just overall, I'm learning to ask for help, admit/accept that I'm grumpy and/or not doing well and admit my own limitations. This is big stuff for me....
So...I learned my lesson, at least for a brief period of time. I need to actually get more than six hours of sleep a night, I need to stop trying to do so much all the time, I need to take respites (even if for only 30 minutes at a time), I need to be vigilant to stick to the personal/down time I schedule in my calendar, I need to ask for help and admit when I'm not doing well. I need to care for me if I'm going to care for all the people and things that I'm - attempting to - care for.
So, the five days that I'll be on the New Jersey shore with my family this weekend will be fantastic. It'll be so so so great to see them, spend time with them, be away from work, church and my email and basically not have the ability to take care of any of the many responsibilities and things I have pulling on me here in Denver. They're all things I love - as evidenced once again by the fact that I'm feeling rejuvinated and full of life after meetings with TWO of my ministry leaders tonight after work. (It was so great to connect with them and hear all that God's doing in their lives and through their lives/ministries. Even though during the day today, the idea of having to do two of these meetings made me crazy - I had no energy to begin to try to think about these meetings much less to actually conduct them.) But, as much as they're things I love, getting some time away will actually make me love them more....
The beach is really calling my name......
No comments:
Post a Comment