Freaking Out

Why is change so scary, even when it's the right kind of change?

I actually know that answer...it has to do with comfort zones and the unknown, etc etc etc.

But, wow, I'm full of anxiety and need today. I'm excited about the potential of some changes that are coming. But at the same time, I'm scared out of my mind of the unknown. I know this is where faith comes in and believing that God's in control...but I'm still freaking out. I can feel the weight on my chest getting heavier and heavier....I hate this feeling.

It's in these moments that I have to remember past moments when I've been in this same place, feeling these same things. It's been in this place of not quite knowing what's next that God's done some of the most remarkable and fantastic things in my life. He's always been faithful....even when I'm far from faithful myself.

Yet, even knowing that, I'm freaking out....I'm about to make some changes in my life without having the certainty of the outcome.... There are certainly some things I'm hoping for but none of those are guaranteed. And so, one more time, I'm about to take a step without knowing exactly where it'll lead me....

And, pair that with really understanding my (unhealthy) motivation for all the busyness in my life - basically a desire to feel like I matter to people...I don't think that I'd have ever acknowledged before now that the main reason I'm so busy, doing so many things and flitting around from person to person is simply in an attempt to prove that I matter and have value...I've found my identity in all that I'm doing, rather than in simply WHO I am. So, all that's coming to the surface and it's jacking me up. I'm excited to be free of lving that lie but the process through which I have to go to get there is anything but fun.

I really like freedom but the cost is so high. (novel thought, I know....)