Part 3: Visiting Friends from College

It probably comes as no surprise that my life's a little overwhelming and out of control right now. My schedule is crazy. I'm overcommitted. I'm exhausted. And, until this FANTASTIC and MUCH NEEDED weekend with from friends from college, I didn't see a way out or an end in sight.

But, Jesus is very merciful to me. My time in Fort Wayne was ordained by God, I'm sure of it.

First, Thursday night, I drove about an hour outside of Chicago and spent the night at my friend Laura's house. We were good friends our freshman year, before she transferred to the main campus. And, somehow, through the years, we've managed to keep in touch. It'd been about three years since I'd seen her and it was so wonderful. Her house is so cute, dinner was wonderful and conversation was even better.

Here we are (and look, we're even super cute early in the morning!):

Friday morning, I left her house to drive to Fort Wayne. It should have taken me about four hours. Instead, it took EIGHT. Traffic was horrible on one of the interstates....as a result of really bad rain storms the night before. The highway was closed but there were no signs indicating such things. I literally sat with the car in "park" for the better part of three hours. It took me three hours to go about five miles. Agh! But, it was really good time for me to just decompress and process the full week I'd had in Chicago and the craziness that is my life right now.

When I finally did get into Fort Wayne, I pulled up to my mentor Carin's house and felt the relief wash over me. Not just relief to get to my destination but much moreso, to know that I was with someone who really knew me, had history with me and in so many ways is like a mother to me. I knew that by the time I left her house that weekend, I'd feel a bit more like myself and have a handle on the insanity that had become my life. (High hopes, huh?)

Dinner that night with Carin and Tom was wonderful. They just let me pour out all the stuff going on in my head and heart. They helped me process things. Spoke much needed truth. Gave me perspective that I obviously haven't been able to see myself. And, shared thoughts and advice. SO HELPFUL. I really did feel like even in those first few hours, a plan was beginning to emerge to make more sense of my life and to bring more peace to it. I began to understand my motivations - why I overcommit and and flit around from friend to friend to friend without really going deep with anyone (or if I do, without sticking around long enough to see what they do with my sharing my heart to them). It was good.

Saturday morning, I spent a few hours with one of my old college roommates, Jenny, and her three kids. I loved seeing her, seeing her beautiful kids and seeing how she's so settled into life. She may have a busy life...but it's not harried, anxious or shallow. I saw in her something I long for - far more than simply having a husband and some children (though I want those things desperately) : she was enjoying and actually living and experiencing the life she has. She has a contentedness and a connectedness that I dream of but don't have now...even as I do so much and have so many great people in my life.

Then, that afternoon, I walked around my old college campus for a little while. It's changed so much. Plus, I just can't believe how such a small campus held such a huge part of my life for four years. I loved those four years....God did so much in me during those four years. But wow....it's changed so much and I'm glad I'm not there anymore.

After walking around the campus, I was able to reconnect with one of the guys I took to East Asia to teach English a few years ago. It was great to spend some time with Amos and to meet his lovely wife Ashley. (I forgot to get a picture of us all!!!)

And that evening, I had dinner and hung out with another former college roommate, Natalie (yeah, we made things fun for everyone! :) ) and her husband (and my friend) Jeremy. Dinner was yummy. And far better was hanging out with them for hours, hearing how they're doing, sharing my life, pouring over yearbooks and trying to find out what other classmates have been up to for the past few years. It was awesome to reconnect.

And again, just as with Jenny earlier in the day and with Amos and Ashley earlier that afternoon, I saw a settledness, a calmness, a contentedness in Natalie and Jeremy that I just don't have. That's not to say that all of their lives are easy or problem-free. Far from it. But, there was this elusive peace and settledness that they all had (and so did Tom and Carin) that I just don't have.

The next morning, I visited my old church - a church where God did so much in me and showed me so many models that I've taken to my current church. I love that place. And those people. But, it's changed. And so have I. It was fantastic to go back. And, it was fantastic to realize that I really am where I belong right now.

Then, I raced back to Chicago to catch my flight to Denver. No traffic - woo hoo! And, now...back into the chaos that is my life.

But....changes are coming. I've even plugged back into my life at a much slower pace in the few days I've been back. Hopefully, I can keep this up and actually follow through on the plan that developed while I was in Fort Wayne. We'll see....