The Great Orchestrator

More and more these days, I'm convinced that God really is the Great Orchestrator of things. He really does work out all seemingly random things into a beautiful tapestry. He really has a plan where the seemingly random and/or mundane have real and true purpose.

This isn't really new information to me...it's more that I have fresh proof of this reality.

In my last post, I mentioned in passing how recently "I've cleared some other responsibilities off my plate" but I didn't elaborate at all. Well, I've known the entire process of "clearing" (which I'll explain more about in a sec) was for a good purpose...and even with the aforemetioned (in this post) impatience I have right now, I guess I didn't think I'd see some of that purpose come to pass so quickly.

Long story short, last year at this time, I had a more-than-full-time job as an office manager and was on the senior leadership team of my church. In addition, I was overseeing the church's entire worship ministry, was personally leading worship a few Sundays a month and at a weekly discipleship class, had newly taken on oversight of the prayer ministry and was building a new counseling and wholeness ministry from the ground up. I had a lot going on. All of the time.

Then, in the fall, the transitions began.:

• I stepped down from overseeing worship (though was still leading worship on Sundays) - September
• I "randomly" agreed to help a friend's father with his resume - September
• The senior leadership team (all voluntary) dissolved as our church moved to a place where it could actually hire staff and I didn't want to go on staff - October
• I started leading a new weekly small group Bible study - November
• A co-worker "randomly" asked me if I'd edit a few documents for his daughter if he paid me - November
• I worked through some major root issues and pain in my own life - December and January
• The desire to press into "things of compassion" - loving and serving the broken and needy - heightened greatly...just as my entire office got a 20% pay cut. So, I decided - after the above "random" writing/editing work - that it was time to start an editing/writing business and start really pressing into my dreams to work to love and serve others. - February
• I began to feel like it was time for me to step down from overseeing the counseling/wholeness ministry at my church (since it's built and functioning pretty well) - to focus more on my small group and the people in it and to build my business...but spent the entire month praying about it. - March
• I officially stepped down from leading the counseling ministry - April (with transition to be final by the end of May)

There are a million details and stories of redemption in each of these steps. But, the bottom line is that with each step, I felt lighter and freer. And, for the first time in my life, I have space in my life - like, actual space - in my calendar.

Who knew how great it was to not be running from thing to thing to thing?! Who knew how great it was to be able to actually focus on the person in front of me rather than always thinking about the next person/thing/situation? Who knew how great it was to actually focus on just one or two things and be able to actually be able to do them well? Who knew how great it was to actually be able to take time for myself - to focus on eating more healthfully and working out every day, to sleep, to rest and to have fun!? Who knew?! :)

So, with that as the backdrop - since I've got months of my life to catch you up on since I've not been very good at blogging - when the latest transtion (of passing over the counseling/wholeness ministry to focus more on the people in my small group and to build my business) became a reality last week, I guess I didn't think I'd see proof of the wisdom of my decision yet. I didn't think that I'd be able to jump into really going deeper with and caring for the people in my small group already. Quite frankly, though I saw the need and had the desire to really pour into their lives, I didn't think that they felt the need or had the desire to be poured into.

But, in just a few days, God's confirmed how wise this latest decision was and that I have, indeed, heard Him correctly. I have new vision for what we're doing in our small group and things we can be doing. I've already had a number of opportunities to press into the lives of a few of the girls in my small group. In fact, just last night I met with one of them and we decided that I'd do some one-on-one peer counseling with her over the next number of weeks (something I NEVER would have had the time or mental capacity to want to do, much less agree to do, just a few weeks ago). It was such a tender moment last night as she was sharing her heart and the things she was struggling with. And, it was in that moment that I realized that truly, if for no other reason, my stepping down from the counseling stuff to focus on my small group was for her, that Jesus cares so much about HER heart that things in my life shifted to enable me to be a part of what He's wanting to do in her life.

Ah...I think I've just rambled on and on simply to say this: I received confirmation last night that I'm really doing what I'm supposed to be doing, rather than just seemingly dropping out of everything because I'm burned out or something. And, I'm just really grateful that I get to back away from the things that drain me (but that I thought my value was linked to) to lean into the things bring me life.

I was made for this stuff - to pour into people, to love them, to share and walk them through truths and keys to freedom so that they can experience the fullness of the life that the Lord has for them. And, even while I'm having the chance to do that, I'm learning that there's balance and that it's VITAL for me to care for myself in the process.

I know this is all training for what He eventually has for me....I've got to learn these lessons now before I've got down-and-out adults and/or foster/adoptive/my own kids running around the house.

But, I'm really amazingly grateful for the people He's put in front of me right now and that, the more personal freedom I experience, the less I care about how "involved" or "in the know" I am with things around me - I'm able to just press into the few He puts in front of me.

I think this is a taste of what abundant life really is.