Convicted

Sorry it's been a while since I've written anything. I think I go through spurts of inspiration and spurts of drought.


At any rate, as of today, my parents really are divorcing. The papers are in and signed. The house they had built just a few years ago is up for sale. I have a myriad of thoughts on all of this. On the one hand, I'm totally at peace. On the other, I'm really sad. And, interestingly enough, that sadness has led to a good and healthy dose of conviction.


I'm totally at peace because a) there's nothing I can do about this situation, b) I think in the long run, this has been coming for so long that I'm not entirely surprised...and more relieved to have the whole thing finally resolved - even if that resolution is not ideal, and c) I actually truly feel Jesus at the center of all this. I'm not saying that He's behind the divorce, per se. I just really feel Him working in people's lives through this...and I think He's making good out of something not so good.


I mean, I see the way that my father is finally really "getting" what it really means to follow Jesus - albeit, after 30 years of following Him. I see the way my siblings are rallying together and growing closer - even though some of us live thousands of miles apart. And, I see the way God's actually answering so many gut-wrenching prayers that my sisters and I have been praying for years - even if the answers aren't coming in quite the way we expected.


But, I am also sad. I'm sad that my dad's still hurting. I'm sad that this is his third failed marriage. I'm sad that my step-mom is so hurt that she's giving up on her marriage just when (from my perspective) she's got the greatest chance of having it be good and healthy.


Recently, I was telling my younger brother how sad I was for our father. And, he said, "humph...I'm not sad for him at all. I'm sad for K" (our step mom). At first, I couldn't figure out why he would feel that way...she's the one leaving him afterall. Why be sad for her?


His answer thoroughly convicted me and gave me the right...better...TRUE...perspective. Here's what he said: "Nat, Dad's finally figuring it out. He's finally understanding what it means to be humbled and broken and know Jesus' love and forgiveness in the middle of that. K still hasn't figured any of that out...even if she thinks she has."

And, really, isn't that the larger point anyway?

It's not about who's right and who's wrong. It's not about who hurt whom. It's not about whether they stay married or get divorced.

It's all about Jesus...knowing Him and living for Him. Not just a cognitive knowing...but a deep-in-your-guts knowing and choosing to lay everything aside for Him and what He's doing, speaking and asking.

And, so, it seems at this point, Dad's the wrong one for me to be sad for...I, too, should be sad and broken for her.

Hmmm.