Getting Out There

Okay, first of all, don't get used to a new post every day. If you've been a reader for more than five minutes, you know that my posts tend to come in waves....and it could very well be weeks before my next post. :)

But, at any rate, here's my third post of the week. :)

To make a long story short, I basically went on a rant to a few friends the other day that there are just no available men in my life. Sure, there are great guys...but no men and no one I'm truly interested in. And, most definitely, no one pursuing me. One friend, T, told me to get on eHarmony - to which I vehamently refused, saying that I'd made a pact with myself not to get on there unless I was 35 and still unmarried. Another friend, S, said to go a little more low-key and just get involved in some Meet-Up groups that do things I'm interested in.

I pondered and checked into both a bit...and somehow ended up signing up for eHarmony (but still not paying for it). I will admit that I appreciated the personality report I got back. It was a) dead accurate and b) something I was actually quite proud of. I think that whoever ends up with me is getting one darn great catch! But, although I liked the report, I was still hesitant, resistant and skeptical. There's a huge part of me that feels like getting on a dating site is, in fact, an indication that I've lost all hope and/or am extremely desperate (ie - what's wrong with me that I have to go online to find someone rather than meeting in person somewhere? etc etc etc. But, the truth is, there really aren't any elegible, noteworthy guys in my circle so I've got to figure out ways to get outside my circle.).

But, anyway, as I'd been signed up but not paying for eHarmony, I get the "matches" that it finds. I can't see pictures of the guys but I can read their profiles. Some of them are definitely 'no-gos' but others have at least piqued my interest. And as the days go on, I keep going back and forth about whether I should, in fact, dish out the money to do this thing that feels silly and desperate but potentially interesting.

The reason I feel doubly weird and have been questioning this whole thing is because of a word the Lord gave me years ago. I was whining about not knowing where/how to meet a guy and He told me to read the first two chapters of the book of Ruth. And, that's when I saw it - rather than the commonly known story of Ruth laying herself before Boaz to get his attention, it turned out that Boaz saw Ruth first. As she was in the fields, he saw her and told his workers to leave some grain behind for her to gather. HE SAW HER FIRST. And, the Lord spoke to me in that moment, that I'd be going about the normal things of my life and the man He has for me would find me. It was such a comfort and something I've held onto for all these years...and part of the reason I haven't really tried to find anyone.

So, this week, I've really felt stuck in the middle. Realizing that neither what I've been doing for years (just sitting back, waiting and doing nothing) and what I tried to do this week (getting on eHarmony means to take matters into my own hands) is working. The reality is, something's got to change...what I'm doing right now isn't working. Yet, in the end, God's really got this whole thing figured out and has a plan. Whoever "he" is will enter my life just when he's supposed to.

While in the midst of wrestling through this stuff , that 'random' call came yesterday. And, in the end, I wasn't trying; I wasn't looking for new work. BUT, I did have a website out there to be found. Even if I wans't actively looking for work, the info was out there waiting to be found by the right pursuer. To correlate it with the 'guy stuff,' I had been asking the Lord to speak to me about what to do when the call came about the potential project so I really think it was a message from Him. A message that I don't need to be the pursuer...but I need to be "out there" somehow.

So, I'm out there. I'm officially on eHarmony (found a promo code so I paid 1/3 of what it normally costs per month) for one month and have joined a few Meet-Up groups. I'm not intending to initiate anything....but if someone wants to contact me, I totally will respond and lean into it...if for nothing else, for the experience. I'm not holding out hope that the first guy who contacts me will be the man I marry....but I'm open to just having these experiences. We'll see what happens.... :)