Heading Back East

I got to go home for Christmas this year...and by "home" I mean back East to be with my Dad's family.

My cute nephew, Damien

It's kind of a funny thing to call it home though. I mean, given all the changes in my Dad's life, home doesn't even exist anymore. Literally, the house he lived in is no longer our home as it's been rented out until the market improves so he and my (former) step-mother can sell it. And, as such, I only did a very quick stop in my hometown - just to visit my younger sister and her family.

My other cute nephew, Kaleb

So, "home" this year was really back to Upstate New York where my Grandparents and Aunt & Uncle live rather than to the Poconos of Pennsylvania. This year, nearly everyone in the entire extended family (all the aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws and siblings except for two of my sisters and their families) came up as my Grandparents are pretty old now and we're all pretty convinced this may have been our last Christmas with them. And we had a great time. It's always fun to be back with everyone again - especially since these times are becoming fewer and farther between (and my gut says will be even more infrequent once my Grandparents pass away). There are TONS of laughs, a ridiculous amount of delicious food and lots of fun times.

My sister Jessica

I found myself sort of torn though. Being with everyone was great. I really really love my family and, though I know beyond a doubt that I'm supposed to be in Denver right now, I was reminded afresh how much I miss out on by living so far away and desperatly long for there to be a way that I could live in closer proximity to them all. I LOVED getting to spend time with my brothers who are in college. I LOVED catching up with my sisters, my cousins, their new spouses, my aunts, my uncles, my dad and my grandparents.

And, yet, I felt oddly torn. As much as I delighted in being with everyone, I found myself longing to be with my friends in Denver who have become so much more than friends...and quite literally, are family as well. I found myself longing to be in my church on Christmas Eve rather than 2,000 miles away.

My Aunt and namesake

I wonder if this feeling of longing to be in two places at once will ever be satisfied.... I wonder if I'll figure out how to balance having real depth of relationship and sharing of life with all of the people who are so important to me... I wonder if the renewed resolution I have to keep in better constant touch with everyone important to me will actually pan out once life goes back to the daily grind of work, church, life, school and errands. I hope it does.

I will say - as sort of an aside - that this was the best Christmas in recent years in one specific regard: there was no drama. Seriously, people, I don't know if you realize how big a deal that is for me and my family. NO DRAMA. AT ALL. This is landmark! It was so great to see my Dad interact with his family in new ways - and see tangible evidence of all the growth and healing God's done in him this past year. It was fantastic to be able to be in (mostly) one place for the holiday rather than feeling torn between my dad's family and my step-mother's expectations to be with her family. It was just NICE and PEACEFUL and SERENE. Quite frankly, REDEMPTIVE. :)

And, now onto Part 2...I totally got stuck in the crazy blizzard that hit NYC the day after Christmas. It's kind of a funny story...though I did, eventually, make it home. :)