There were a few other issues I'd neglected to include in my last post but were actually probably the most difficult of the "non-auto-pedestrian-accident-related" things going on last year:
1. In relation to my expanding role at my full-time job, I was named the editor-in-chief of our new blog by the president of the company. Very exciting. A great opportunity. Part of my responsibilities included overseeing a committee of co-workers as we came up with the vision for and design of the new blog.
To make a VERY long story short, one of the members of the committee didn't like the way I was leading and questioned my authority from the beginning. He made things very difficult for me. He underminded my every decision and actually went around me and behind my back a few times.
My every attempt to recitify and talk through everything with him was ingored and downplayed...until finally, he agreed to meet with me (with a mediator - our operations manager - in the room). During the meeting, this co-worker proceeded to lambast and degrade me without being stopped by our "mediator." One of the many awful things he said to me was, "You are a cruel and mean person....you continually make fun of me and mock me. While you seem to have the professional skills to move forward, I fear that your cruel, mean and awful personality will keep you from ever getting ahead."
And, when I said to him later in the conversation, "I feel like I'm owning everything that's gone wrong here. But, I feel like you're ignoring the fact that you had a part in this too" our mediator jumped in with this: "No, Natalie. He is not responsible for how you feel. Remember to use your 'I feel when you' statements..."
While I am admit I am far from perfect, that entire situation was completely unwarranted. Not sure what happened or why it all happened, since EVERYONE else on the committee and in the company was fine with how I was doing things related to the blog. It was just something with him, I guess. (Case in point: a year later, he is totally fine with me. I've not changed my behavoir at all to him and he regularly chats it up with me, shares his life and engages in conversations of all sorts with me. He even asked if he could include me on a proposal for a project he was going after. Complete 180. So strange...though relieving. :))
2. I was in another car accident. And, this time, it truly, truly wasn't my fault. I was driving in the left-most lane of a one-way, three-lane street downtown when a car in the middle lane decided to turn left - from the middle lane - onto a side-street. He completely hit the back right side of my car....then drove away. Can you say "hit and run"!? To make matters worse, I had my "little sister" from BigBrother BigSisters in the car with me. No one was hurt and the damage to my car was only cosmetic but I was still thoroughly shaken. (And, by the way, since the car had driven off and I was already dealing with one accident, I decided to forego calling the police or reporting the accident.)
I'd never been in a car accident in my 16 years of driving. And, in the span of three months, I'd been in two. What in the world?!
3. This one feels a little silly now but at the time it sure wasn't. I'd met a guy through a total random occurrance. A guy to whom I was surprisingly (since he's not my typical type) attracted. He loved Jesus without being all "religious" or weird. He came from a great family. We had some similar interests. AND, (bonus) no one in my community knew him - which meant I could get to know him without worry that there'd be gossip and drama or that anyone else I knew was interested in him. Plus, he kept turning up as a "match" on the online dating service I was using. Problem: he was a freelance client of mine. AWKWARD. To make this long story short - it turned out we actually did have at least one mutual friend (who was being set up with him by others) whom I'd mentored for years. Though she wasn't interested in him, the entire thing blew up really awkwardly (though he and I never even discussed anything non-work-related or ever even mentioned that we'd been "matched") to the point that, though I'd done good work that he was very happy with and though he had previously mentioned the potential of being hired full-time by his company, he nor his company has ever asked me to work for them again. Fail.
These three specific things - in the midst of all I was going through due to the auto-ped accident - were crushing. I'd always felt really safe and secure at my job (with my co-workers esp) and I have always loved to drive. But after all this, I felt like no where was safe. I felt like I was under constant scrutiny at work, I never wanted to drive again (literally) and I was disappointed that what could have been a good friendship (and possibily more) and/or maybe a new professional opportunity (more in my field) were gone.
I was spinning. Nothing felt safe. There was nothing I could count on in any realm of my life. Nothing made sense. I felt so hopeless...and honestly afraid...with everything in my life so crazy, I found myself just waiting to see what else could/would go horribly wrong.
At one point, I remember sobbing myself to sleep, repeating over and over, "Lord, I know you're not this cruel. You're not cruel. Please show me You're not cruel. Please...."
But, it was through these awful things...and everything related to the auto-ped accident...that He did start to show me just how kind, loving, faithful, protective and present He was.
More to come....
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