Our Choices

One of my favorite bands, Mumford and Sons, released its second album, Babel, a few months ago. And, while nearly all the songs have profound lyrics in some sense, the last line (below) from "Broken Crown" struck me as especially significant while in the midst of my aforementioned tantrum:

"But in this twilight our choices seal our fate."

I'm sure one could come up with many interpretations for this specific lyric...but for me, it really felt like a word of caution and encouragement all wrapped into one. Essentially, my response to this in-between time of my life...when I've struggled and been a little impatient and disappointed...will direct the entire course of my life. I could choose to remain sad and resigned or I could choose to hope.

I'd been little more than simply mindful of the profundity of that thought until last week, when my pastor did a talk on suffering and hope, specifically in light of the awful Jessica Ridgeway tragedy the Denver metro area has been dealing with. While the content of his talk was not necessarily anything I'd never heard before, it just so happened to be the perfect moment for me to hear it again. It was one of those moments when his words went straight to my heart and I'm now forever altered.

Here's the long and short of what struck me from his talk: "Every leader who's ever made a difference in the world faced suffering, setbacks and disappointment in the present...but had their eyes ever on their future Hope and so they never gave up" and "When we face suffering and disappointment, our choice is to continue on with that eternal hope or to despair and resign ourselves to our present circumstances."

As I heard his words, I realized how I've always been an optimistic, hopeful, glass-half-full type of person - that is, until about two months ago...when I gave into resignation and despair...truly beginning to believe that the life I presently live (where everything's circumstantially the same as it has been for the past six years) would be the life I live until the end of my days...never getting to actually realize the dreams in my heart. And, in that moment, everything changed for me. I made the decision to hope. I chose to not give up.

And, while nothing has circumstantially changed in the 10 or so days since I heard that talk and made that decision, I feel like a completely different person. Actually, I feel like myself again. But a better version of myself. The cloud of disappointment, despair and resignation has lifted and what has emerged is a joyful, confident, silly, peaceful, at-rest, hopeful person. The power of my seemingly simple choice to hope has been profound. And, once again, I'm overwhelmed with the kind, patient, faithful love of my Father and overwhelmed with His goodness and dreams for my life that are more vast than my own....

I do think there's a deeply profound truth to that song lyric...how we choose to live and what we choose to believe and set our hope on in the dark, difficult and disappointing times will affect the rest of our lives. I'm sure to have many more dark moments in the course of my life, as I'm sure you are too, but my prayer is that we'll both have the strength, courage and tenacity to continue to set our hope beyond the circumstantial and onto the eternal One.

Grateful.