Looking Back

On the eve of my last day at a job I've held for over seven years and have both loved and hated, I'm even more introspective than normal. I find myself looking back, remembering who I was when I accepted the job back in late 2005 and realizing just now much I've grown up since then. And, I can't help but be overwhelmed with gratitude and reminded afresh what a remarkably kind and gracious Father I have.

At this job, during these seven-plus years, I started in a very low-stress, low-difficulty role...I could do my tasks in my sleep. But, it paid well, provided great benefits, allowed me to interact with people, and mostly, gave me the mental and emotional space to really work through deep, personal things. There are so many days I remember just sitting at that front desk, blogging (!), processing, even chatting on the phone with close friends and family - and getting paid for it...while still fully accomplishing all of my regular tasks. What?! Who gets that lucky and is that fortunate to have that kind of space in their life for such things??

Then, as the recession hit and my company decreased to one-third its original size, I found myself with opportunities to spread my wings a bit, get more involved in the bigger workings of the company, use my skills and actually contribute in meaningful ways. I built great relationships with my co-workers. Loosened up. Had tons of fun. And, learned a lot.

While navigating the recession wasn't easy (every day wondering if I would be laid off), I was ridiculously fortunate to get to keep my job...especially as my position was eliminated in each of our other offices. While others were losing their jobs, I was being entrusted with more and was beginning to be seen for all that I was capable of.

Yet, slowly - amidst the blessings, things changed. Rather than being valued, I was being taken advantage of. I was encouraged to work toward a new position that I desperately wanted - as the company's writer and editor. But, after over two years, I'd gotten no where. I was no closer to stepping into my new position than I had been at the start. I was doing everything being asked of me, continually taking on more and more responsibilities, being assured that each additional task would take me closer to my goal. Yet...the rules kept changing, the carrot kept being dangled...and then kept getting moved. I'd get my hopes up, only to have them dashed and to be told I had to wait or do more or expect less or wait longer. Most recently, I got to taste what it felt like to be in the long-desired role...though bluntly warned that it was a temporary, four-month stint...with the potential for, but no guarantee of, permanency.

By that point (earlier this year), I knew that the likelihood of truly getting to remain in this long-sought-after role was slim at best. Plus, a myriad of other issues and situations (far too mundane to detail here) were transpiring that made my stomach turn at the thought of staying with the company any longer. So I started to think and pray about a change. Yet, I had zero idea what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go. I just knew I didn't want to be there anymore.

But, then suddenly....